The Surprising Psychology of BDSM

BDSM is an umbrella term used to describe bondage and discipline, domination and submission and sadism and masochism. In complex terms, BDSM has many twists and turns, dark and light, sex mystery and intrigue and it also has responsibility and accountability. It isn’t all about whips, chains, leather and dungeons. It’s not about how sex looks on the outside. It’s about how it feels on the inside. Real kinky sex takes place on a psychological level. It’s about whether you can penetrate and be penetrated in the mind.

There’s a power exchange that goes on between two people who perform it. In order to play this dynamic, it has to feel good for both of the people involved instead of hurting someone or feeling ashamed or manipulative.

Dominance means knowing what you want and then going after it and following through. Everything is going to be you, leading all the way through with persistence and with a plan. The submissive in particular has a responsibility to themselves and to their partner to have clearly defined boundaries about what they’re willing to offer and what they’re not.

Why do people enjoy BDSM?

While there’s too much shaming around it, there is a survey that was conducted in the Journal Of Sexual Medicine indicating that people who practice kinky sex or BDSM actually think better mentally than those who don’t.

Why people are into BDSM? Psychology speaking, a lot of the times we like things based on our social values or religion, things that we believe in and ways that we were raised based on family and friends as influences. But BDSM is kind of a tricky one because a lot of what goes on in this realm is almost against what is taught in society.

Like for instance, men are supposed to be taught to be gentlemanly and chivalrous. But in BDSM, men can be sadistic, submissive or masochistic. Women, on the other hand, they were raised to be submissive in the sense that they supposed to look up to their husbands and partners and let them run the household. But then in modern times, women are supposed to be raised as powerful and extremely confident. So nowadays, when women want to explore their submissive side, they adopt a submissive role with a sexual partner.

Going back to the question of why do people like BDSM? It really doesn’t matter why they like it. You may like it because it just turns you on or you may like it because it fits your values.